When Target Sees Me, It Just Sees Dollar Signs

***Disclaimer: Everything you might have thought about me might go in the garbage after you read this post.***

Target online shopping is like an old high school crush. Whenever you see it, whether it's at the old diner everyone used to hang out at after school, or in a bland hotel ballroom wearing a nametag with his hot senior photo on it that you used to kiss before bed ... oops I've said too much. Where was I? Oh right. Whenever you see that old crush, you remember all the good stuff. The warm fuzzies, the head jerk hellos in the hallway, or the time he teared up and gave you a look of "Break a leg!" before opening night of the musical. (No, he wasn't just itching his eye, Pessimist. And yes, I was in a high school musical.)

But you only remember the good stuff. You forget that he basically ignored you unless he needed help with his homework, or wanted you to do it for him. Or that he told his friends that you farted in drama class, even though he was the one who dealt it. Or worse, you forget that on the last day of school, you asked him to sign your yearbook, and he said no.

Target online shopping is a little like that. Because you can find all these cool deals, marked in red with a little cross-out through the old price, and you feel like a giddy schoolgirl again as you load up your cart with discounted Pottery-Barn-lookalike dining room chairs.

I have to back up a little bit, and tell you first about my new dining room table. It is gorgeous. It is from Pottery Barn, it seats 8-10 people, and it is, finally, a big girl's dining room table. And I got it off Craigslist for $135.

Note that there are NO CHAIRS. Those white ones in the back of the photo got sold with the old dining room set about a month ago. So we have been sitting on metal foldout chairs for the past month.

Enter Target online shopping/Old high school crush.

I ordered the chairs on 8/12. Target promised them by 8/22. Guess when they're coming? September 2.

I know what you're thinking. Suck it up, get over it, this is clearly a first world problem. Yes, you're absolutely right. But why didn't I learn my lesson about Target online shipping the first time I had issues, when I ordered these cute moccasins because my pregnant feet had swelled up an entire shoe size and I couldn't wear anything but flip flops in February? Those moccasins -- they never arrived -- because Target online shipping was a NIGHTMARE. They pushed back the delivery date again and again -- until I finally canceled the order, because my kid was probably going to be approaching his first birthday by the time they arrived. It was a total pain in the ass. It was my high school crush, in the parking lot, telling me, Sure, I'll go off campus to lunch with you sometime.

Those chairs are going to arrive Sept 2. I'm going to fall in love with them, even though they were almost a month late and my butt will be sore from sitting on folding metal chairs. And then, one day, not too long after that, I'll go back on Target.com looking for love.